Invalidating a person
The working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted.The emotional processes that worked as a defense for him when a child will probably work against him as an adult.
For each question that applies to you, go through the procedure above and see what you can learn from this experience, and what part of yourself you can reintegrate. And perhaps I accept what she says, that I am indeed a useless lover and now I really don't want to make love any more.
I realize now that invalidations can occur when what is said is not really meant (after all, many times before that she said I'm a great lover) but is a symptom of a more significant upset.
I can repair such an upset by honest and open communication. (Thanks to Irene Becker, CCTA for her help in writing this lesson.) If you enjoy working through these Positive Approach lessons, you might appreciate reading an expanded version that is included in my Kindle ebook Daring to Be Yourself.
In his article 'Invalidation may be the most damaging form of emotional abuse,' Steve Hein describes invalidation as follows...
Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, control or diminish someone's feelings.